That's when you crack a 10am beer
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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