my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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