I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm like, not good at living.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
