Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
