so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
