I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
