Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
