Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
