I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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