I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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