So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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