So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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