someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
