How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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