He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
