The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We don't watch enough power rangers
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
