Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
