don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
