I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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