Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.