id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..