I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.