Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.