I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
barbara walters just said penis...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex