he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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