My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
