We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
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