is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
