I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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