but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
