remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
