he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
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Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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