good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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