Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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