walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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