Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
