don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
