Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize