he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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