Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
