The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
