I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
