It's like a parade of train wrecks.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
