i may or may not be watching the land before time
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
