i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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