they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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