Betty ford says i'm here all night
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she peed on how many people?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
