The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
