can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he puts the penis in happiness.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
