Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize