i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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