please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
