it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
