She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
