i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
