My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
