I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
