I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
