I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
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