come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
