Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
