Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
