Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
