is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
