There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
