hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she looked like the before picture.
In America we eat man semen.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
