How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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