I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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