I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
