**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She is in my trunk
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
