I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
