If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
