I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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