Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
