stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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