This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
