so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
